Clients from Hell
Working with a comedienne that I’ve done video work for previously.
Client: “Can you look at this promo video we did? Do you have time to re-edit it?”
Me: “Sure, what’s wrong with it?”
Client: “It’s not funny. “
Me: “How can I help?”
Client: “I was wondering if you can make it funny.”
Me: “Well, is the content good? Funny material?”
Client: “No.”
Clients From Hell
More work, I promise.
Client: It was my mum’s 60th at the weekend and I filmed two hours of party footage and vox pops of my family sending her best wishes. I want you to turn in into a 10-15 minute video, I’ll give you £30.
Me: That’s nowhere near enough for my time. [I usually do 2-3 nightclub promos for £100].
Client: Yeah but it’s a present for my mum so I can’t afford to pay as much.
Me: I’ve never met your mum and I’m not willing to give her £70 worth of my time, especially if you’re only putting up £30 of your own money for it.
Client: I’m not asking you to give my mum £70, just do her video. I’m paying £30 of my own money. And I’m thinking of starting a business filming birthdays, this’ll definitely lead to more work, I promise.
Clients from Hell
After a long and exhaustive feedback session where little was said and much was contradicted, the client closed with this:
“Just be an artist.”
Clients From Hell: Client
Client: ”I love the job you did! Thanks so much!”
Me: ”Great! Best of luck with it! I sent you the invoice. We did more than what we had agreed to and did not charge you for it.”
Client: ”Yes, and as soon as I get your expenses, I will pay you.”
Me: ”What do you mean by our expenses?”
Client: ”Well, I need to get what you paid for materials, etc. so I know if what you are charging me is fair.”
Me: ”But we agreed to a price and you agreed to it and thought it was fair, we delivered more than the price we agreed to and you love it? I’m not going to give you what we paid for materials, printing, etc? When you go to a restaurant and order a meal and eat it, do you ask for the price of the lobster and ingredients when the bill comes before you’ll pay?”
Client: ”What I do or do not do in restaurants is not relevant. First of all, I never order lobster. Second, you don’t understand how business works. You really need to understand business better. I won’t pay until I see what your costs were.”
Clients from Hell
Phone call at 8 in the morning.
Client: ”I’m very disappointed in you not responding to my urgent emails! I flagged them URGENT!”
Me: “Uh, we’re technically not open for another half hour, what time did you send the emails?”
Client: ”Around 3am! I’ve been waiting FIVE HOURS for you to respond! You’re hardly treating it as urgent!”
Clients from Hell
As told by an old school film editor, from the days when they actually handled film:
Client: ”What is your rate?”
Me: ”$50 per hour.”
Client: ”Can I come watch you?”
Me: ”Sure, for $100/hour.”
Client: ”What if I help you?”
Me: ”That would be $400 per hour.”
